


you make everything better

by ineffablystyles



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, PS I still love you spoilers, Peter's POV, Spoilers, book fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 16:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15823077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffablystyles/pseuds/ineffablystyles
Summary: Peter and Lara Jean broke up; Peter's not quite ready to let her go. If only he'd stop saying all the wrong things and just told her the truth.After all, Lara Jean and Peter will not break each other's hearts.**Peter's POV from scenes in book 2 - P.S I still love you.





	you make everything better

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fauxstyles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxstyles/gifts).



_You knew?_  
  
He can’t help it, the scene replaying over and over in his head. The way the colour drained from Lara Jean’s face, her eyes shuttering as she completely closed herself off from him - but not before he saw the betrayal that twisted every feature.  
  
He’d known when he hadn’t told her that he was breaking a rule. Their last rule, the only rule that really mattered. But how could he tell her that she’d been right? That Gen _had_ posted the video, that she _had_ been the one to take it in the first place; that had Lara Jean not come out to the hot tub, he’d have gone back to Gen’s room for an entirely different reason that night. 

But she had come out and he hadn’t told her the truth and he’d had to watch as he’d broken her heart and his own in return. 

He was so in love with this girl with the long dark hair and unapologetically romantic take on the world. She’d told him, confided in him, how difficult it was for her to open up. How getting lost in a world of fantasy kept her safe and secure and her heart fractured but not broken after the loss of her mother. And then she’d let him in. Little Peter Kavinsky, as Dr Covey called him, who’d been Lara Jean’s first kiss, and she’d been his in return.

He’d promised to tell her the truth, always; to never break her heart. But he’d broken both rules in one fell swoop and he didn’t know if he could ever fix it.

_You knew?_

Those two words continued to echo through his head, flashes of Lara Jean smiling at him, laughing with him, handing him a Yakult first thing in the morning replaced with glimpses of Lara Jean with her sad eyes and pale face and ‘ _you knew?’_ and _‘I’d wish we never started any of this’_ and ‘ _bye Peter_ ’.

And all Peter K could do was suck in a breath and try not to think about how it had never hurt this much when Gen had left him.

- 

Peter hadn’t realised how much of his life was Lara Jean until she was nowhere to be seen. He didn’t pick her up in the mornings anymore, the one time he’d picked up Kitty he’d kept his face carefully blank even as his heart pounded loudly in his ears before promptly falling apart at the look on her face.

He missed her cookies and writing the silly little notes he’d leave her - he knew she kept them in her little Hat Box (Kitty had told him so). He missed the way she so easily fit in with his friends and how he never had to worry if he was paying her enough attention because Lara Jean wasn’t like Gen - which is why he thinks he liked - loved, _loves_ \- her so much. She was happy to simply sit beside him, tupperware of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies resting on the cafeteria table between everyone as they all gobbled it up, rushing to grab one or two before there was nothing left - much to Lara Jean’s delight. He’d grab her hand most times, rubbing his name into the palm of her hand, not that she ever noticed. Or maybe she did. He remembered moments when she’d look over at him, eyes soft and fond and happy and Peter would feel his heart swell so much he was worried it would burst and everyone would be covered in little confetti Lara Jeans.  

He hadn’t told the rest of his friends that they’d broken up yet, too miserable to do so and the slightest bit hopeful that somehow this mess he’d created would clean itself up. That somehow he could wake up one day and just go back to cuddling with her on the couch while they made their way through the list of movies they’d vowed to watch.

“Oi, Kavinsky, you with us?” Gabe waved a hand in front of his face forcing Peter to look away from the cafeteria entrance.

“What’s up, dude?” Peter asked, clearly annoyed.

“I asked you where Large was, we haven’t seen her all week?” Gabe posed it as a question, brow furrowing at the look on Peter’s face.

“We broke up,” he told them quickly, ripping the words out of his throat like a well adhered bandaid.

“What? Why?” he asked, clearly shocked.

“Shit happens,” Peter shrugged, face stony.

Gabe backed off.

-

He couldn’t believe he had asked for the necklace back, hating himself as he stared at the tiny gold locket he’d picked up extra shifts at his mum’s store to pay for.

He’d lingered behind after chemistry to beg her for another chance, to let him _explain_ but instead he’d been a total dick and broken the rules in the contract _again._

She’d been standing in front of him, eyes wide and hopeful and necklace resting between her collarbones and Peter’s brain had short circuited and he’d said the total opposite of what he’d wanted to. 

_I’m sorry. Please don’t let this be the end. Please let me explain. My heart will always be yours._

**_“I want my necklace back. Obviously.”_ **

He didn’t deserve her, he didn’t deserve anyone. No wonder why his dad had left them.

Peter had always vowed he’d never be like his dad. He’d never walk out on his family. He’d never break someone’s heart like his dad had broken his when he’d been only fourteen.

Yet he’d done exactly that. Maybe he was more like his father than he thought.

He was still sitting in bed miserably when Gen texted him asking if he’d come along with her to grab something from her grandma’s friend.

He agreed grudgingly, hoping to maybe distract himself from Covey and how his chest felt hollow and bare.

She slipped her arm through his as they made their way down the sidewalk, much to his annoyance. But he’d let her because this was Gen and Peter was Peter.

He spotted her just moments after she’d seen them and he dropped Gen’s arm immediately, blood rushing to his head at what this might look like and heart coming back to life at the sight of Lara Jean. 

She was all dressed up, hair pinned to the top of her head, lips red and looking as beautiful as ever, though in a different way than usual.

He knew he spoke, asked her a question - _what are you doing here?_ \- maybe even something more, but all he could really hear was the blood in his ears and his soul singing _Lara Jean, Lara Jean, Lara Jean,_ begging him to run over and wrap her in his arms and never let go.

But he stayed put, looking over at her carefully. 

She asked him something and he responded before turning accusingly back to Gen.

And then Peter saw red, or maybe it was just John Ambrose’s car, but no. Peter was furious because Lara Jean looked beautiful and _John Ambrose_ was with her, got to see her like this, probably picked her up from her house the way he’d done so many times before.

“What are _you_ doing here?” Peter heard himself ask bitterly.

“My great-grandmother lives here. Stormy. You may have heard of her. She’s a friend of Lara Jean’s,” John replied to him casually, arm resting on the passenger seat of the mustang.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t remember,” Lara Jean stated matter of factly and Peter frowned over at her, because he didn’t. He didn’t remember at all and he was wracked with guilt because clearly this had been something she’d been working on for a while.

“What’s with the outfits?” he asked instead, his voice gruff.

“USO party,” John replied. “Very exclusive. VIPs only—sorry, guys.” Then he tipped his hat at Peter, making his blood boil and fury lace his face.

“What the hell is a USO party?” Peter asked Lara Jean, deciding to ignore both Gen and John. He didn’t care about them. He only cared about _her_.

John didn't seem to realise this, or he didn’t care because he replied: “It’s from World War Two.”

“I wasn’t asking you; I was asking her,” Peter snapped, unable to hide his anger. “Is this a date? Are you on a date with him?” he asked her, voice angry but heart cracking and falling apart all over again. He didn’t think he had anything left that could be broken.

And then Gen was rushing over towards Lara Jean and Lara Jean was jumping into John’s car and Peter was standing as they drove away together, echoes of their laughter suffocating him.

_You knew._

_-_

She’d kissed him. _His_ Lara Jean had kissed John Ambrose McClaren and Peter hadn’t thought it could truly be over between them until he’d heard that.

She’d kissed him.

He’d gone to the cake walk to make amends and all he’d done was find out there was _still_ pieces of him that could be broken and pulled apart.

Now it was after chemistry and he was playing with the tiny gold locket he had in his hand as he rushed out into the carpark.

He spotted her instantly, as though she were pulling him towards her with invisible strings. Peter didn’t think he’d mind if she were.

But then he saw John standing with her and Lara Jean had this smile on her face as she looked down at a snowglobe and Peter found himself rushing across towards them.

He nodded over at John before promptly ignoring him and looking only at Lara Jean - as though he’d ever be able to look at anyone else. 

“I didn’t get a chance to say happy birthday, Covey,” he told her, hiding his nerves behind a blank face.

“But—you saw me in chem class,” she frowned at him and all Peter wanted to do was smooth the furrow between her brows and kiss her senseless until she filled him back up and glued him back together.

“Well, you left in a hurry. I have something for you. Open up your hands,” he said instead, taking the snow globe out of her hand and forcing it into John’s hands with a casual. “Here, can you hold this?”

Lara Jean glanced over at John and Peter felt his heart strain - _don’t look at him, look at me. I love you, Covey, I’m sorry. Look at me._  

“Hold your hands out,” Peter said, ignoring the churning in his stomach. _Look at me, don’t look at him._ “It’s yours,” he told her quietly, dropping the gold locket in her hands.

Lara Jean was quiet for a moment. “I thought you returned the necklace to your mom’s store,” she spoke, almost sounding out of breath.

“Nope. Wouldn’t look right on another girl,” Peter blurted out, unable to regret his confession at the look on her face. _That’s right, look at me. Can you see how much I love you?_

But then she blinked and looked back at him and tried to shove the locket back into his hands. “Peter, I can’t accept this.” But he shook his head, clenching his teeth to keep himself from saying anything. “Peter, please.”

“No,” he caved. He couldn’t keep quiet. Not with her looking at him like he was breaking her all over again. She had to know that this wasn’t the end. It would never be the end for him - _for them_ . “When I get you back, I’m gonna put that necklace back around your neck and pin you,” he said, trying to hold her eyes with his own. “Like the 1950s. Remember, Lara Jean?” 

“I don’t think pin means what you think it means,” she said to him, holding the necklace out even as she gripped it tightly in her fist. “Please, just take it.”

“Tell me what your wish is,” he urged her instead, no longer worried about sounding desperate. He was. He was miserable and lonely and desperate for no one but the girl standing broken and perfect right in front of him. “Wish for anything, and I’ll give it to you, Lara Jean. All you have to do is ask,” he begged her.

“What are you doing, Kavinsky?” John glared at Peter, shaking his head. “This is pathetic. You treated her like garbage and now you decide you want her back?”

“Stay out of it, Sundance Kid,” Peter snapped back, turning back to Lara Jean and saying quietly like there was no one in the whole entire world but the two of them (and to Peter there wasn’t), “You promised you wouldn’t break my heart. In the contract you said you wouldn’t, but you did, Covey.”

“I’m sorry,” she said to him, voice whisper-thin. “I just can’t.”

 _You knew._  

-

Peter tried not to get his hopes up, tried not to let his heart swell with joy when his phone had lit up with Lara Jean’s name. He’d tried but he was still nervous and hopeful and jittery as he drove to her house.

He called out to her once he was standing under the tree they’d spent so much of their childhood in, looking up at the treehouse and then racing up when he heard her reply. He had to duck to fit in, all long limbs and lean muscle. But then he was crawling over and sitting stiffly opposite her, all the bludgeoned pieces of his heart in his hand as an offering.

He was only half listening as she told him they were getting rid of the treehouse. Only half listening as she spoke of the last movie they’d watched together - Peter hadn’t been able to watch a film since.

And then he can’t take it anymore and he blurted out: “Why did you call me over here, Lara Jean? I know it wasn’t to talk about The Sound of Music.”

Peter had a whole speech prepared for her, of his undying devotion and love and how he could give her so much more than John Ambrose McClaren, but then she told him she knew about Gen and he’s shocked at first. Then, _so, so, so relieved._

The words rushed past his lips without him even realising at first and then he can’t seem to stop. He told her everything, every dark and close kept secret he’d held propped up on his shoulders.

“I think maybe I was scared,” he finally confessed, unable to stop himself from noticing the way Lara Jean’s breath hitched at his voice.

“Of what?” she asked him.

“Of disappointing you.” Peter looked away from her then and it was quiet again, both of them lost in their own thoughts before Peter suddenly asked, “What do you wish for, Lara Jean? Now that you’ve won?”

“I wish that things could go back to the way they were between us. That you could be you and I could be me, and we’d have fun with each other, and it would be a really sweet first romance that I’ll remember my whole life,” she burst out, unable to look at him.

Peter felt his heart start to mend itself at her admission and then unravel again at how dejected she looked. “Don’t talk like it’s doomed already,” he muttered quietly, terrified he’d say the wrong thing and ruin everything all over again.

“I don’t mean to,” she told him honestly before hesitantly crawling over towards him and tracing his eyebrow. Peter didn’t even realise it, but he was holding his breath, waiting for her next move. “In the contract we said we wouldn’t break each other’s hearts. What if we do it again?

“What if we do? If we’re so guarded, it’s not going to be anything. Let’s do it fucking for real, Lara Jean. Let’s go all in. No more contract. No more safety net. You can break my heart. Do whatever you want with it. It’s yours anyway, it’s always been yours,” he told her fiercely, eyes alight with determination and love and all things Lara Jean. 

She placed her hand on his chest, Peter holding it there with a hand of his own, urging her to feel the way his heart was stuttering under her fingers. Urging her to listen, to believe him when he told her that it was hers and hers alone. That it would never beat for anyone the way it beat for her.  
  
She tilted her head, looking up at him with those shining brown eyes and before she knew it, before he even realises what he’s doing, she’s in his arms. And he doesn’t know if he’s shaking or if it’s Lara Jean, but he had a feeling it was probably both of them, and he’s kissing her and she’s hugging him and Peter knows for sure that he’s never letting this girl go.

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on tumblr! 
> 
> http://ineffably-styles.tumblr.com


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